Let me disappear in your eyes
by DreamCatcher116
Summary: The War is over, yet the pain never really fades away. Ron is unfixable and the only way for him to come back to her is in time. However as time goes by Hermione finds herself engulfed with an emotion which never really appealed to her before, Desire.
1. Watching him walk away

I stared at the vast lands of green racing by, as I sat on the red velvet seat; I sat on 8 years ago. The Hogwarts express was taking me back to the place I grew up, the place which changed my life, the place which reminds of me of that fatal night, the night which changed everyone. The first time I sat on this train I was young and naïve and so utterly excited about being a witch, I can't believe how much things have changed.

I glance ahead at my best friends, Ron's bright ginger hair bouncing upon his head, how young and childlike it may seem, yet once you take a look into his eyes you see the pain and the vulnerability of a boy who just lost his brother, a boy who has finally given up. Something inside me aches for him, it makes me want to hold him in my arms, stroke his hair and make him forget. Yet things have changed.

I feel the warm gesture of Harry as he squeezes my hand; there is a sense of knowing in his green eyes, he knows how much I want to help Ron, how much I want Ron back to normal. Once Harry defeated Voldemort you expected everything to be all right, one great big happy ending like in the story books, good conquers evil. But even though good conquered evil you can never really get over it, it stays with you like a shadow haunting your every move never really letting you escape.

The train finally decided to pull up at the station and the rustling of students began to come alive as Hogwarts was only a short boat trip away. I stepped off the train to see Hagrids familiar warm face staring down at us, he seems tired and warn out, the bags under his eyes displaying the many nights of lost sleep. "Are ye' coming or are ye' just gunna stand there?" Hagrids hoarse voice boomed around the station.

Coming back to Hogwarts was like finally coming home. The familiar smells of the trees from the forbidden forest, the old damp smell which once I found disturbing is now like a comfort blanket welcoming me in. Yet something happened to Hogwarts just like it happened to us, there was left over rubble in places, windows which hadn't yet been replaced all a reminder of that incurable night.

Me and my two best friends stepped up facing the Dining hall which we shared many feasts over the years and somehow all seemed like strangers to each other. Ron turned and mutters something under his breath, he walked away up the stone steps towards Gryffindor tower.

"Where are you going, aren't you coming to the feast?" I demanded.

Ron stared at me his eyes nearly filling with tears.

"Feast! Yeah lets all just celebrate and eat on the spot where students and friends were laying dead just weeks ago! Pretend none of this happened and we're all just one big happy family!"

"Ron, please you can't let this change you" I say barely audible.

He stares and turns to walk up the stairs; I feel student's eyes bearing into my back as I run after the boy I once wanted everything with.

"Ron.., Ron, wait please, if you let this change you then _he won_!" I shout with tears filling my eyes as Ron turns to stare back at me.

"Well, he won" he whispers coldly as the fury filled his eyes. Leaving me standing there alone at the bottom of the steps staring at his Ginger head disappearing up the staircase, everything in me wants to run after him, fix that broken boy which I love so dearly and stop him hurting, yet all I can do Is stand their watching him walk away.

I walk over to Harry, whose face is filled with concern as the whispers of first year's echoes around us.

"Come on, let's get something to eat, he'll come back to us" he squeezes my hand in reassurance, yet I don't feel comforted just plain tired.

We all sat down at the Gryffindor table as our friends arrange themselves next to us, Ginny's Long ginger hair forming around her heart shaped face, settles herself down next to Harry, the two finally got together properly after the battle and seem happy enough, oh how I longed for what they have. Opposite, Neville was smiling warmly at Luna who is walking past to the Ravenclaw table staring absently at the ceiling, as their comforting faces begin to make me feel safe I start to relax as our new Head Mistress Professor McGonagall stands as everyone is settled.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, as this new year starts I was to ask you all to please pay tribute and remember the students and friends who died here not so long ago, and let them live on in each of you and never be forgotten. As it's a New Year and a new start I would like you all to welcome our new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Sylus Jones"

The Hall erupted in applause as the new teacher stood, my eyes caught his and I notice the mysterious glow of his brown eyes as he modestly sat back down, his dark short hair framing his handsome features. He was definitely too young to be a professional teacher, yet he was. Something happened then, something strange as his eyes found mine, I felt as if we were the only two people in the world, I forgot about Ron and the grief that has swallowed him; I let myself disappear in his eyes. Only the voice of Harry in my ear resurfaced me.

"Hermione..?" I suddenly shook myself and stared back at Harry his face full of curiosity.

"Sorry, I zoned out" I say rather unconvincingly as my face burned red.

The First years went through there sorting and we all carried on with the feast, now and then I glanced back at Sylus Jones and got the most overwhelming sensation of excitement as the night drew in and by the time I was in bed I was eager to go to my first lesson with Professor Jones tomorrow, yet for some reason I don't think it was the subject I was excited for.


	2. Detention

Flames spreading through my arm like a wildfire. A screech so high the back of my hairs stand up, Arms holding me down, shaking me.

"Hermione..HERMIONE! Wake up!" A voice booms inside my head.

My eyes flutter open as I see the familiar face of Ginny staring down at me. Realization dawns upon me as I begin to remember the nightmare, well you could call it a nightmare yet it is a dark distant memory I long to forget. My face is wet with tears and my body sweating from fear, I become conscious of how foolish I must look.

"Sorry, must have been a dream" I say with a look of embarrassment.

Ginny didn't look convinced yet she let me get on with my morning ritual without any fuss. She was less like her mother in that way. I make my way to the bathroom, gathering my robes as I go. To my surprise I see as I glance at the mirror a hardly recognizable girl staring back at me. Her eyes tired with nightmares, her hair formed around her face like a lion's mane, yet there was something different about the girl in the reflection, she seemed stronger and wise beyond her years. She had grown in such a small amount of time.

Realizing the time I raced out of the dormitories making sure I had time for breakfast and to study before first lesson, unorganized was not the Hermione Granger way! Turning a corner I came face to face with Ron.

With a grunt Ron banged into me knocking my books everywhere.

"Bloody hell" he gasped, struggling to keep balanced.

I stood their glancing at the bookmarked pages lost in the fall. I retrieved my fallen books whilst Ron stood their awkwardly.

"Sorry" He utters barely making eye contact. "I forgot my transfiguration book".

Glancing up at his blue eyes, I find myself unable to say anything at all. He finally looked at me with a look I never thought I would receive from him; it was the look of a stranger. Those long nights I sat with him in a tent a few months ago both of us scared, the laughs late at night, the adventures we spent together, all of it forgotten.

A surge or courage came over me "What happened to us?" I asked, hoping for an explanation to why the boy I thought I would spend the rest of my life with is pushing me away.

He glances into my eyes with a look of sadness, "Life" he muttered with an exhausted sigh.

I couldn't deny the fact that when I looked at him I felt that awful sudden feeling you feel when you think you have lost something, usually it ends with me finding it and the panic washing away. Yet this time I don't think it's going to be that easy.

After the awkward situation, I was late for lesson. The first lesson of the year and I'm late. This was really not Hermione Granger! As I tip toed into the lesson trying to be as subtle as possible the door slammed behind me blowing my cover. The class turned all staring at me with faces of astonishment.

"Late on the first day I see Miss Granger?" muttered Professor Jones with a slight husk.

Professor Jones raised his eyebrows obviously wanting an explanation.

What was I supposed to say? Sorry Sir woke up late with a nightmare about the time I was tortured then had the most awkward encounter with the ex love of my life as he's pushing me away and I can't seem to hold on anymore. The silence seemed to edge its way to uncomfortable.

"Just sit down" He said finally giving up.

The lesson consisted of one of the most surreal and fascinating moments of my life, Professor Jones talked for an hour about the water from the Rainforest Lagoon, of wizards who drank the sacred water and died.

"You see, it's not the water which killed them, it's the hallucination. When you drink the water of the lagoon you see something which your body yearns for, everything and anything aches for it. Your mind, your sole, must have whatever is before you. The trick is that you can't have whatever is before you, and it's killing you the temptation of it drives you mad. Some of the greatest wizards ended up killing themselves whilst drinking it. Anyway that's everything for today, read pages 134 to 140 of your books by tomorrow.

The class started to disperse from their seats, I stood up, legs cramped still mesmerized by Professor Jones lecture.

"Hermione" Professor Jones said, without looking up from his desk, "I feel a detention is in order because of your late comings".

"But sir I…" I began to protest.

"I'm sorry Hermione, you know the rules." He said with a sympathetic smile.

From then on the day went from bad to worse, Ron was completely ignoring me, the rest of the day consisted of note taking, and head nodding, to me trying to revise my N.E.W.T.S and completely failing because of Harry's ridiculous obsession with talking about what to get Ginny for her birthday. Before I knew it I was glad for peace and quiet in detention.

I knocked on the door to his office, "Come in" I heard from inside. As I entered I noticed the warm feeling it was surrounded by, there was books everywhere scattered around, a battered old globe in the corner and an orange glow of candle light dimming around the room.

"Choose a book and read" He said without glancing up from his book.

I took my seat the furthest towards him and picked a book from the shelf, it was like a small old library, books of everything from dark spells to enchanted myths. I picked a large book which had the words printed in old ink on the front "The Artists Despair".

"Ah, It's strange you chose that one" he said.

"Whys that?" I forced myself to reply.

"I used to read it as a boy, It's the tale of a man who fell in love with a girl in a painting, ended up painting himself in there with her. Spending the rest of his days staring at him and her together" He explained.

"How foolish" I muttered without realizing what I had said.

"Why would you say that?" He replied.

"Well to spend your life hoping for something that's never going to happen isn't very practical is it?" I said.

He stared at me with a look of puzzle, "Ah but you see he didn't spend his life hoping for something that's never going to happen, he made something happen by painting himself in there with her. He just stared at something that was happening and admired the beauty of it."

I understood what he was saying yet it still seemed rather foolish to me. Hours flew by as we talked about books, and myths. I didn't realize the time until clock chimed 9.

"Damn I didn't realize the time, you should be off." He said.

I looked up at his dark brown eyes to agree but I couldn't help but stare, something strange started to happen. He stared back intensely as my breathing quickened, I found myself unable to look away as he stepped closer to me. I found myself stepping close to him too. My hand brushed past his and the connection was enthralling, my body edged closer to his as his hand brushed my hair from my face, I didn't comprehend what was going to happen until his lips touched mine. Sudden passion filled me; I pulled in for more overwhelmed with pleasure whilst fire surged through me causing such desire I couldn't stop.

Professor Jones pulled away catching his breath, "That shouldn't of happened" he said staring at me with the same intensity he had when I first saw him.

"You should go" he whispered.

I felt my legs slowly respond as I disappeared down the corridor.

Still out of breath I stopped outside the dorm room trying to calm myself down, yet my head was screaming at me, what just happened? That was amazing and exhilarating, so much different than Ron. Ron was warm, and safe and familiar. Sylus was dangerous and exciting and a teacher. It then dawned on me Professor Jones was a teacher. What was I going to do? And worst of all what would people think! I can't go back into lesson tomorrow, what would Harry think? Suddenly my mind started to panic, What about Ron.

I can face this problem, I mean I'm Hermione Granger, I helped defeat the Dark Lord for Christ sake, I'm sure I can handle this! The courage seemed to start to fade away as reality hit, Hunting Horcrux's, breaking into banks, fighting till the death. None of it prepared me for this.


End file.
